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While I understood this, I can say that absolutely nothing prepares you for the agony of divorce. I had heard it described as something almost as painful as losing a loved one, and I couldn’t agree more. I was utterly distraught, but not at the thought of losing my husband. Don’t get me wrong I had cared deeply for him, and that Champion Golden State Warriors Stephen Curry Klay Thompson Kevin Durant shirt its own pain. I spent countless nights in tears on the floor, drowning in emotions. There were so many phone calls to friends and family in utter despair, nights I thought I’d rather die, and days I slept all day because I hated waking up to my life. But the strongest agony I felt was for my daughter. No mother in this world gives birth to their child and then expects to lose half of their time and half of their life experiences with them due to divorce and split custody. I was a wreck.


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We would need to continue monitoring our little boy’s development every two weeks going forward. We also made the decision that afternoon to do the amniocentesis test despite the possible risks. Not as a deciding factor for termination but because we wanted to know. It would be from this day on that we would be forced to learn Elton John Rocketman style peanuts playing Piano signature shirt if we didn’t know it already. Forced to wait for the next ultrasound or forced to wait for more results. It would be a waiting game from hell for months to come. Like a terrible game of Jumanji, fearful of the next roll but forced to keep going. The bad news continued when we went for an appointment in February and found out our little love would need to be followed closely by cardiology to monitor a hole in his heart.


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As we sat there, again in silence, the tears started. Alex came in and immediately hugged me. How are y’all doing she asked. Obviously, she knew the answer to her question. We were both overcome with fear of the unknown. We had no idea what questions to ask or what any of this news meant. She started trying to explain what the images from the Unicorn Dabbing Aunticorn Like A Normal Aunt But More Awesome Shirt could mean and then began telling us about the option to do an amniocentesis test that would test for certain genetic disorders. Genetic disorders. Now we’re talking about genetic disorders. She explained some parents choose to do the test to give them peace of mind just by knowing what they could be facing.


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We were both so anxious with anticipation after waiting for this day for what seemed like forever. They called us back. The ultrasound tech started scanning my belly and before she could verify if we wanted to know the gender there he was. Just A Simple Simple American Girl Camping American Flag And Flip Shirt, we figured this was just part of the routine, but the longer we waited the more we became fearful that something wasn’t right. It was for sure a boy. The first tear ran down my cheek as it all became so real in that sweet moment. We were both so excited. She went on to do all the standard measuring and took several pictures for us. After she was done, she met us outside with a white envelope of pictures and then asked us if we wouldn’t mind hanging out in the waiting room for just a bit longer so the doctor could speak with us.


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Opening the small box the bag of his ashes rests in, running my fingertips over the charred metal tag attached to it. I can look through photos and videos of him, but they all end because his life did. I have 7 months of tangible memories with Klay Thompson Steph Curry Kevin Durant Cartoon Golden State Shirt, and the rest is ‘life after loss. She will tell people about the baby her parents lost before her, repeating what she’s been told of him, how her life has probably felt defined by his death. As they grow, my other children will tell his story. I had a brother,’ they’ll say. Rowan will talk about playing peek a boo, holding him for the first time, making him laugh. Perhaps he’ll tell people about that morning, watching us screaming over his brother’s body. Or maybe he’ll hold that in his memories quietly, to spare others that sadness. Phoenix won’t have memories of our Sloan.


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The fear of being such a young, single mother dissipated and I felt proud of the fact that I was able to so effortlessly take on that role and do so with pride and dignity knowing I could still give my child the life she deserved, but I could do it all on my Champion Golden State Warriors Stephen Curry Klay Thompson Kevin Durant signature shirt. I was able to financially afford a drawn-out divorce process, buy my ex out of our home and maintain it myself, and still, provide a very comfortable life for me and my daughter. And more than that, I was able to still love her so unconditionally and find love again after my divorce when it was something that had left me so broken and terrified to experience it again. I learned that we are capable of so much and so powerful and resilient when life tests us so long as we remember the simple fact that.


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Knowing I would never have the life I wanted was one thing, but it was inexplicably more difficult knowing that my child would be affected so deeply by this and she never even had a say in it. It took well over a year to make peace with what happened. I was able to survive such a hardship precisely because of who I became over the Beagle you can’t save the world alone shirt of that relationship. Who I grew to be in those five years was exactly why I came out not only intact but stronger and more resilient than ever before. I woke up each day knowing that if I could survive that day, I would never have to do it again and we would get closer to a new form of normalcy. It was mentally, emotionally, financially, and physically the most trying time of my life. But what I learned when the whole process came to a head and finally ended was the most valuable of all.


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The only thing I remember from this conversation is the doctor saying they didn’t have any answers for us as to why Nolan was still requiring the oxygen supplementation, and then her mentioning the word ‘genetics.’ She explained that genetic testing could Elton John and Snoopy Rocketman in the style of Schroeder playing piano signature shirt explain certain things that other tests could not and that ‘with some of the present abnormalities Nolan has, it may give us answers. I knew he had the congenital heart defect and now this requirement for oxygen, but what did she mean by ‘abnormalities?’ So I stopped her and asked. She then ran her hand across Nolan’s sweet face and said, ‘lack of eyebrows and eyelashes. That’s when the rest of the conversation disappeared from my memory. I hadn’t noticed Nolan’s lack of hair until she mentioned it.


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My now ex-husband and I no longer felt like lovers. We felt like roommates. I started to notice the true joy and happiness I felt was derived by simply being a mother and being myself, enjoying my hobbies and daydreaming about the goals I still wanted to achieve in life. And then shortly after my daughters first 4th Of July independence day Kyle Busch M&M 18 hazelnut spread shirt, I realized my ex had been lying to me our entire relationship. What I thought was two people meant to be together forever was nothing more than two people who found each other while they were broken and tried to fill the voids in each other’s hearts. He had been seeking satisfaction and attention from other women during our entire relationship and I never knew about it.


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When my twins were newborns, she drove across town every night, slept on the sofa, and did three feedings. For two babies. Every night for months. When my daughter drinks ice water, my mother-in-law makes her put the empty glass on the 60 years of Cowboys 1960 2020 thank you for the memories shirt. Leave the ice in there it’ll melt and make more water. Sure, she wore a wedding dress for my wedding. But she has more than made up for it since. When I told her about this getting a lot of attention, and said I worried it might hurt her feelings, she waved it off. Whatever makes me famous. So, yeah, the wedding dress was a shock. But it gave me a pretty funny memory. No one who attended has ever forgotten it.


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We were just about to sign a contract to build a house something I had dreamed about for years. Life was perfect. And shortly after our honeymoon, just a couple months after our wedding vows, we found out we were expecting. On top of that, I had barely turned 23. I was a somewhat a child myself, I thought. My life was in perfect balance and I was terrified of it changing. I took the news hard. I had grown up never wanting It’s Arizona Not Arizona Style Harry Potter Shirt. I was adamant about it. There was something in me that was always completely terrified about having my heart outside of my body, not being able to protect it from being crushed or taken from me by the world. I’d seen parents lose their children far too young and watched it wreck them, and I knew no part of me wanted that.


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Just when we thought we’d heard it all, Amy Pennza, former lawyer and soldier turned romance author, took to Twitter to share her own wedding horror story. In a tweet accompanied by a photo of Pennza looking utterly puzzled before her husband’s All Gave Some Some Gave All One Had Bone Spurs Veterans Against Trump Shirt, she writes. When it comes to living out your wedding day, there are a million and one things that can go wrong. My mother-in-law wore a wedding dress for my wedding. So, yeah, top that one, Twitter. The tweet came in response to talk show host Jimmy Fallon’s request for his followers to share their biggest wedding fails using the online hashtag WeddingFail. My friend got married on the beach and wanted to zip line to the altar.


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Four months in and he told me he needed space. He needed time away from me. He needed a break. So, I gave him the distance. I did things alone, I let him nap, and I started picking up more and more responsibility. I caught him cheating. Text messages, pictures, Facebook messages, Instagram DM’s, it was everywhere. I confronted him, he told me to get rid of her if I was going to leave him. I wasn’t.



He started staying up all night and sleeping for days at a time. He would pick fights and leave when I asked him for help around the house. I spent a lot of my pregnancy sobbing in my room apologizing to my daughter for bringing her into this Godzilla and Death Star Fight shirt. He started missing at least one day a week of work, spending all his time in our shed or in our bathroom, I started noticing random visitors and he never had any money. His stories never quite adding up. He was hallucinating at night when he wouldn’t sleep and I was so confused as to how it had gotten so bad, but we had a daughter together and I couldn’t raise her on my own, so I tried to make it work.



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I’d always take her out to buy new ones, especially when they were on sale. She had boots, for now, boots for later. She’d even wear them in the summertime. In a t-shirt and shorts and 100-degree weather, she’d slide right into her boots. She always fought back and defended herself and her friends. But that didn’t stop the 4th Of July Liberty Statue Idea American Shirt. There was no stopping her. I always called her my little boot girl. She was the sweetest girl and never deserved the hand she was dealt with. At school, McKenzie had been good friends with a particular boy for years. He was white and she was black. The other kids used this is a reason to pick on her. She loved her friend dearly and took the mean comments like a champ.


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So, to all of you who have experienced similar things in your life, I leave you with this: no matter how much it sucks right now, you will find someone who will treat you right. They will show you that you never really knew love. You will love so deeply and completely that you will be amazed! They were just a stepping stone to greater love. Hang in there. It gets better. That morning I woke up feeling different – I felt Adidas All day I dream about Pole dance shirt. I don’t know what it was, but I felt like the trial of infertility had released me. I was prompted to do something that would symbolize this new-found emotional freedom, so I decided to send 24 balloons to heaven; 24 balloons for 24 months of pain, heartache, confusion, calendars, tracking, fertility drugs, long-winded prayers, and pregnancy tests.


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I can see how it is possible for someone to lose it when they catch a cheating spouse because I did. It took several guys to pull me away. No, not really proud of it, but my goodness. After everything, I had done for her! I felt her betrayal was worse than his. So, I quickly realized there was just no doing that. Then, I found out that she was The Facts Speak For Themselves shirt. I was bitter for years. She knew that he was my life and I held her responsible for what this was going to do to my daughter. They destroyed what I had hoped to give her. Needless to say, I left with my daughter and I moved out that night. Admittedly, I did try to find a way to make it work, but the more I tried, the more I felt he was trying to have his cake and eat it too.


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Again, more instances of writings about him. And her. I backed up some more. More. Went to the beginning, and BOOM! The entire thing was a journal about their affair. ALL OF IT! I was dumbfounded. Humiliated. Hurt. As I parked, I ripped out pages out of the book as proof and shoved them in the back of my Trump Bae Salt Merica Vintage American Flag shirt, tucked into my pants pocket. Mortified. PISSED OFF! At this point, I felt my stomach at my feet. My heart felt as if it was shattered. It was. I called work and told them I was in an accident and would not be in. I lied. Sort of. It was an accident that I saw. A total accident. I drove to the park they were at. As I pulled in, I was wrecked. I was a total mess. Scared.


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We were all so devastated. To make matters even worse, she temporarily lost custody of her oldest child. (Before anyone blames her for having some part in this, she did not. She was working with me at the time it happened.) Then tragedy struck Vote Removes Stubborn Orange Stains shirt. During a visit with her oldest child’s father, he was involved in an accident and was rushed to the hospital. We helped her find a new place and regain custody of her oldest child. She lived right near us. We would carpool to work. Spent a lot of time together. Our kids were practically the same age. During all of this, I noticed that my husband and I started to argue a lot. Almost daily. This isn’t something that we did before. The more I tried to understand, the worse it seemed to get.


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I was a dime short so I decided to look through her car to see if she had some spare change, figuring I would just put it back when I got home. As I opened the glove box, a book fell out onto the floor. It fell out open, but upside down. Womens Red White & Blessed Shirt 4th of July Cute Patriotic America shirt, I was shocked. She had shown no interest in anyone since her youngest child was killed, and because we were so close, I was dumbfounded. I thought that I would glance through and see. When I picked it up and put it on the seat, I just laid it over on the seat, but it was still open. I didn’t pay attention to. So, after taking it all out, there was no dime. I started putting things back into the glove box, and as I uncovered the book again, across the top of the pages it was open to, it said.


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I settled into the idea right away, and he seemed to try to recapture one last bit of partying and craziness. It caused issues, but we seemed to make it through. Or so I thought. He got a really good job. I was so proud of him. He then just up and quit his Unicorn Dabbing Field Day 2019 Shirt. No word to me beforehand. Just quit. I made good money, but not as he did. When I asked why he didn’t have a reason. He wanted me to stay at home with the baby and I was more than happy to. It was the perfect life it seemed. Soon we started to argue more and more. I decided to go back to work, thinking that would maybe make him feel better about things. He had a very stressful job and we were making it, but things were tight. We worked opposite schedules so that the baby spent time with us and not sitters. Personal choice.


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I just didn’t want that sort of thing in my 21-year-old life. I should have listened to my gut. I must admit our date was awesome. Very romantic. Well, some of it was. We walked on a pier and spent hours out there, Trump Elephant shirt. He received word he was going to be deployed overseas soon, so for two people who didn’t want to be separated, we decided to get married and go together. He held doors for me. He listened when I spoke. It wasn’t a night of stories about him. It was each of us learning about one another. I was impressed. So much so that I agreed to another. And another. And not before long, we were inseparable. We had so much fun together. Before I knew it, I had fallen for him and was in a whirlwind relationship.


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One of the very boys McKenzie had named in her journal countless times was sitting right there in the office, completely unscathed. I was enraged. After McKenzie’s passing, so many people questioned, ‘Why didn’t anyone know?’ In reality, everyone knew. No one hid it. We wouldn’t let it get swept under the George W Busch Sunset shirt. It got to the point where even other students’ parents knew about it. McKenzie’s friends’ mother who was a stay at home mom would always notice when McKenzie was feeling down. She’d say, ‘She wasn’t herself today. She must have had a bad day. You should see what’s going on.’ And our family did just that. We watched all of the signs. We wrapped her up in so much love and support.


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My mom came in on the call, screaming. ‘I’ll meet you there.’ I hung up, rushed home, threw clothes in a bag, and headed straight for Alabama. It was a two-hour drive away. During the drive, I prayed and prayed for a miracle as my son slept behind me. Extended family members caught wind of the news and kept calling my number Blood Inside Me Firefighter American Flag Shirt, but I couldn’t answer. I was completely devastated and focused on getting there as fast as I possibly could. I tried. I just wanted to see my niece. To make sure she would be okay. But I’d never get to see her alive again. My mother called while I was still driving. ‘She didn’t make it.’ She was just 9 years old. I knew I had to tell my son even though it would shatter him. He was the same age as McKenzie. They were only 6 months apart.


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When we turned her journal into the police, which detailed all of the bullyings she endured, they turned it down quickly. ‘We couldn’t find anything,’ they said. They claimed they didn’t have enough in her file to take action. They even had the names of the children who were doing the bullying, all of whom already had plenty of write-ups. But much to our 22 Year of Harry Potter 1997-2019 signature shirt, the action was not taken. Their parents had a lot more money and weight in the school district. We were left to fend for ourselves. These kids were never punished in a way they should have been. On December 2, my own daughter turned 15 years old. My family and I got together on a conference call and sang her happy birthday.


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All I wanted to know was where my husband was. I can’t tell you anything until the doctor is here to let you know, the nurse explained. The world started getting very small. I got up and screamed. The lady tried to grab my arm and I told her not to touch me. I backed into a corner – there was nowhere else to go. I was living my own Roland Garros 12 Afa Rafael Nadal Thank You For The Memories Signature Shirt, waiting for someone to wake me up. I just kept staring at the ground following the lines of the tile, crying. They found him and all he did was hold me as I tried hard not to throw myself onto the ground. I looked at him and I asked him if he could call my mom if he could call Aaron‘s family because I couldn’t do it.


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